All that I can truly know about myself right now, is that this person I was raised to be, and am supposed to be, by my upbringing, and through life thus far, is not who I know myself to be. I can only have knowledge so much as I am a an animal trembling in fear of who other people think me to be, which apparently, has nothing to do with my emotions about them, or myself. It has only to do with a reaction to me not being the person I ought to be in the community. And that conflicts with my upbringing. And I’ve decided that my upbringing is the thing that is holding me at bay from the person I am supposed to be in the community, based on the reactions to my personality that I’ve been told to be by my family. I guess I have to become a public figure to be true to those I care about in the city in which I live, and indeed, in the whole world. And then I’ll have to tell the stories of my transformation to my family, who will have to love me for who I’ve chosen to become.